By In these uncertain times for the film industry, the most random projects will be burdened with a purpose they were not remotely designed for. A couple of weeks ago, indie filmmaker Nina Lee shared that she could not secure studio support for her already-shot, Black-led rom-com (or a similar screenplay) until the box office results for YOU, ME & TUSCANY came in. This revelation has suddenly turned the opening of this decidedly mellow excuse to watch two beautiful people flirt in a picturesque location into a pressure cooker with wide-ranging cultural implications. We shouldn’t have to live like this! Besides, if this were the last Black-led rom-com, that would be pretty unfortunate. There is some fun to be had, but this is not exactly BROWN SUGAR or LOVE AND BASKETBALL.
We follow culinary-school-dropout-turned-house-sitter Anna (Halle Bailey) as her bank account is rounding zero dollars. She just lost her richest client (Nia Vardalos) and is relying on her best friend Claire (Aziza Scott) to put her up in a room at the hotel she works at. While feeling sorry for herself at the hotel bar, she chats it up with Italian heartthrob Matteo (Lorenzo De Moor), who reveals that he recently bought a villa near his family’s home in Tuscany. The two almost sleep together, but he passes out before anything can happen. Anna gets into his phone and sends pictures of the house to herself. She then decides to use airline points that she and her now-dead mother were going to use to travel to Italy to finally take the trip herself. Upon arriving in Italy, she has a less-than-friendly encounter with local vineyard owner Michael (Regé-Jean Page) after he almost runs her over with his truck and cuts ahead of her in line to get a sandwich. Despondent and with nowhere to stay, Anna decides to find Matteo’s allegedly empty villa and squat in it. Unfortunately, Matteo’s closely bonded family checks on the house the very next day, and she is forced to come up with a lie. She says that she and Matteo are engaged and that she’s here to check out his home. They’re confused because Matteo has not been home for some time, especially his adoptive brother Michael, who unexpectedly arrives at the dinner table with wine from his vineyard. Can Anna keep up the ruse as she gets closer to the family (including Matteo, when he returns) and feelings for Michael start to blossom? I wouldn’t dare spoil it.
In essence, YOU, ME & TUSCANY is a BookTok movie without a book. It is hyper-aware that it is rolling in classic romance tropes. The characters practically look at the camera to let you know that a new one is about to begin. The seams in Ryan Engle’s derivative, streaming-ready screenplay show up early in the film’s atrocious first act. Anna has to explain to the audience that she dropped out of culinary school because of her mom’s death multiple times. Every dialogue exchange (even the flirty ones) amounts to telling the audience exactly what our characters feel and what they have to do next. It isn’t funny, just self-effacingly goofy. It’s a rather tough watch until Michael starts more meaningfully figuring into the story and the romantic tension starts unfolding. 
Halle Bailey and Regé-Jean Page are clearly both here to prove themselves movie stars: Neither of them really get there. Obviously, they’re both gorgeous, so they’re certainly not hard to watch. However, both are trapped in pretty stilted rhythms and don’t really loosen each other up. Bailey is still stuck in Disney princess mode, delivering every line in a tone that sounds like she’s telling a kindergartener where the bathroom is. Page is leaning hard on the cynical, roguish charms that made his BRIDGERTON character such a sensation after floundering in his attempt to subvert that persona in BLACK BAG. He’s reasonably charming, more so than Bailey, but never truly emotive. There is one moment where he is wistfully describing the memories he has with his family on the vineyard grounds; when he says, “I loved that we were always together,” you can actively feel him thinking about lunch. The two of them will occasionally have classic near-kiss moments where their bodies are forced to touch or they get wet together and you can certainly detect some attraction, but there’s never any real passion between them. This also goes back to the script, which never really gives them anything meaty to tease or connect with each other over. They’re going through the motions and the film is hoping that their sheer presence is enough to soak in this lush fantasy. For some, it just might be!
Strangely enough, the film’s real heart comes from Anna’s relationship with Matteo and Michael’s relatives. As they all grow increasingly more excited about the prospect of a traditional wedding, one cannot help but be reminded of MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING (hence Vardalos’ cameo). These performances from Italian character actors Isabella Ferrari, Stella Pecollo and Paolo Sassanelli, among others, are easily the film’s most lived-in. They become so sincerely invested in Anna that we cannot help but melt alongside them. Italian traditions, courtesy of the summer festival taking place in town, also provide excuses for the two set pieces that are the most fun: a barrel race where Michael and Matteo’s competitive nature comes tumbling out and a lovely cooking montage where Anna has to get over her insecurity about her passion in order to help the family keep up their tradition of catering the final night of the festival. These moments are the only time YOU, ME & TUSCANY truly feels like it takes place on planet Earth.
If you are primed to have a good time with this one, you likely will. My entire audience was filled with romance fans who were actively applauding and swooning throughout. This does somewhat deliver once it hits its stride, but there’s a consistent microplastic feeling to the whole affair. It is so desperate to score easy points from its unapologetic cheesiness that it can’t help but feel transactional. I do hope that it finds an audience, because films like this are an essential test for up-and-coming movie stars, and they do not deserve to only live on Netflix or through TikTok microdramas.
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